


the anchor

by earlgreylover98



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on the scrapped plot that Mai gave Zuko a rock before he was banished, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fall Maiko Week 2020, Prompt: Childhood, and he holds onto it, okay i'll be honest. i wrote this for me, pre-canon to series finale, y'all can read it if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreylover98/pseuds/earlgreylover98
Summary: “It’ll be okay,” she said. And then she reached into her pocket and took out a rock.“Here,” she said as she placed it in his hand. “For good luck.”“Obsidian?” he asked.Mai nodded. “It’s for protection.”OrMai gives Zuko a small rock before his Agni Kai. He holds onto it.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 139
Collections: Fall Maiko Week 2020





	the anchor

**Author's Note:**

> _Bring me some hope  
>  By wandering into my mind  
> Something to hold onto  
> Morning, or day, or night_
> 
> _You were the light that is blinding me  
>  You're the anchor that I tie to my brain  
> 'Cause when it feels when I'm lost at sea  
> You're the song that I sing again and again  
> All the time, all the time  
> I think of you all the time _
> 
> \- The Anchor by Bastille

If she was going to be honest, Mai didn’t know how exactly she found the rock in the first place. She knew that she must have picked it up during one of her family’s vacations to Ember Island. Sometimes, when her parents weren’t paying attention to her, she would wander off and explore the island in an attempt to keep the boredom at bay.

It wasn’t that she hated Ember Island. In fact, the opposite was true. There was something about the endless days of sun and the smell of salt in the air that made her feel alive.

Mai’s family came to Ember Island a fair amount, as did many other high-ranking officials within the Fire Nation. For them, Ember Island wasn’t an island. For them, Ember Island was just another place where status mattered and another opportunity to increase that status.

Vacations on Ember Island weren’t a break or really even a vacation; they were more of the same but in a different place. Mai used to hope that vacations on Ember Island would be different from life in the Caldera. She used to hope that her parents would ask her what she wanted to do and that they would spend their nights together at home - as a family. It would be just the three of them, eating dinner and talking about their days. In these fantasies, Mai was an actual participant in the conversation and not just a bystander to them.

Of course, by the time she was 10, Mai had realized that these visions of what her family could be like were nothing more than the silly fantasies of a child. Sometimes, Mai reasoned, it was better to be miserable on the beach than back in the capital. She couldn’t practice with her knives on the beach, but at least she could walk freely and explore. She enjoyed the change in scenery, after all.

She spent her days exploring the island. Her parents didn’t care where she was as long as she was back in time for dinner and dressed like the presentable young lady they expected her to be. Besides, Mai knew better than to wander too far away from her parents’ house.

The only time she broke this unspoken rule was when she was ten. It was the last day of their vacation when Mai’s parents had decided that they would spend the night dining at some admiral's house and not at home like they had said they would. Mai wasn’t mad at them, just at herself for believing that they would be true to their word.

It was on that day that she had gone exploring. She had made a right turn where she normally went left and instead of ending up on the beach, she ended up inland.

She walked on the island aimlessly. Occasionally, she would stop to look at some flowers or anything else that caught her attention. Somehow, she ended up near one of the volcanoes on the island. Volcanoes weren’t exactly rare. But the ones on Ember Island had been dormant for over a century. Somehow, there was a bed of lava rocks near this volcano. She briefly wondered how long these rocks had been there before walking over to get a closer look.

She wasn’t sure how much time had elapsed as she crouched down on the ground and sorted through the pile of rocks. There was one in particular that caught her eye. As she sorted through the pile she found a small piece of obsidian in the shape of a heart.

The fact that it was obsidian was odd enough. While it was common, it was still weird to see it nestled in a bed of other volcanic rocks. She wasn’t sure how exactly it was formed, but she knew it had something to do with the rate at which the lava cooled. The fact that it had set in the shape of a heart just further intrigued her.

She held onto it as she looked through the bed of rocks and as she let out a gasp at the realization that the sun was setting. She slipped it into her pocket of her robes without even realizing what she was doing.

It wasn’t until she had returned home late, much to her parents' disappointment, and was changing into more presentable attire that she realized she had brought the rock back with her. She slid the rock back into her pocket and decided to throw it on the beach the following day.

Somehow, though, it ended up buried in her luggage. As she unpacked her things, she looked at the rock for a moment before setting it on her nightstand. She decided that it would be a nice decoration. It was glassy, pretty and oddly calming to look at.

She kept the rock on her bedside table. Sometimes late at night, when she knew throwing knives at the wall would wake and anger her parents, she held it in her hands, looked out her window and thought about another life - something that wasn’t so boring. Some nights, she would dream of adventure. But most nights, she found herself thinking about Ember Island. She thought about days under the sun, and a family that loved her. It wasn’t exciting, but the sweetness and warmth of the future she had imagined seemed too nice to be boring.

She never thought about giving it away as a gift. That was until the night of some important dinner at the Royal Palace. Her family had been invited to dine with the Royal Family, as well as some of the other nobility. These dinners were always stuffy and awful affairs. Mai was expected to sit there silently as her parents conversed with the other adults.

That night, she had managed to excuse herself, explaining that Princess Azula had requested her presence. Michi, who had pushed Mai into the arms of the Royal Family since her daughter was born, simply nodded her head in approval and let Mai go.

Azula did ask to see Mai, but it was to briefly invite her and Ty Lee to the palace for dinner tomorrow night. Mai accepted the invitation, not really having the option to decline Azula’s invitation. With that, Azula left, claiming that her father had requested her presence.

Mai didn’t mind. At least Azula had bought her a little time on her own. She wandered around the palace gardens, trying to gauge how much time she had left before her mother would start to wonder where she was. She figured she had around 15 minutes before Michi got suspicious, so she sat down under the apple tree in the gardens and closed her eyes, inhaling the scent of jasmine that wafted through the gardens.

“What are you doing here?” said a startled voice.

Mai looked up in surprise only to be greeted by the site of Zuko. She felt herself blushing.

She didn't normally blush around him. During the past year, she and Zuko had gotten a lot closer. It had started as a mutual bond over blades, but quickly evolved into something more. They were friends, but Mai’s crush on him didn’t seem to go away. She was better about hiding it now. But there were still times she would let it slip.

She forced herself to take a deep breath, chiding herself for letting herself blush and hoping that he couldn’t make out the flush on her face in the darkness and turned to him.

He was looking at her expectantly.

“I’m just sitting here,” she said slowly. “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer, but he sat down on the grass next to her.

She waited a moment and then said, “These dinners are awful.”

“I know,” he said as he leaned his head back against the tree and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked before she could help it.

“Nothing,” he said stubbornly.

She raised an eyebrow, almost like she was accusing him of something.

“It’s nothing,” he said again.

He looked at her again.

“It’s just my dad,” he said as his fingers threaded through the grass. “He wants Azula to show off her firebending skills to some of the generals.”

He didn’t need to fill in the gaps for her or tell her that the reason he was upset was that his father was playing favorites again and that he was upset he would never be as good as Azula.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“It’s fine.”

It wasn’t and they both knew it.

“You know,” Mai started, “one day you should show him how good you are with the dao blades. I know for a fact Azula doesn’t know anything about that.”

“If he cared about anything other than firebending, I would.”

Mai frowned at that. “Huh,” she said, “I mean, I’m not a fire bender but I can still hold my own.”

Zuko let out a little laugh at that and Mai felt her heart flutter at the sound. The sound of his laughter had become a rare thing.

“I know you can,” he said. “You could take down an army with your knives. It’s scary.”

Mai smiled at that. “Good.”

A comfortable silence fell between them as they sat there under the moonlight.

“Do you think it’s safe for us to go back inside now?” Zuko asked.

Mai shook her head. “Azula’s going to bask in the attention for as long as possible.”

They both knew she was right.

“I hate these dinners,” he said.

“Me too. They’re so boring.”

Zuko nodded. “They really are. I could go the rest of my life without them.”  
  
“We’re just supposed to sit there, like dolls,” Mai said, there was a hint of anger dripping through her voice. Normally, Mai wouldn’t dare say something like this, in fear that it would upset her parents. But she never had to worry about that with Zuko.

Zuko frowned as he heard it. “Do you ever think about leaving?” he said suddenly.

If it was another night, and another person, she probably would have said no.

“All the time,” she sighed. “Sometimes, I think about packing my bags and climbing on the first ship out of here.”

“Where would you go?” he asked.

“Ember Island,” she said. She hasn’t thought about her answer until that moment, but it felt right.

He smiled. “I love Ember Island. We haven’t been since-”

He stopped himself but Mai knew what he was going to say.

 _Since my mom left_.

“It’s warm there,” she said, in an attempt to continue the conversation and distract him from the dark place she knew he was spiraling to. For a moment, she let her mind wander to the fantasy life she had constructed for herself late at night while she held the rock in her hand.

“But the theatre troupe is horrible,” he huffed.

Mai shrugged. “We don’t normally go to the theatre.”

“What do you normally do?” he inquired.

Mai shrugged. “Normally, my parents will go to dinner with whoever else is vacationing there. They’re very social people,” she said bitterly. She looked down at the ground and noticed a clump of grass by her side. She must have pulled it out without realizing.

“What do _you_ do?” he asked again.

“I like to explore,” she said. She hadn’t actually told anyone about her explorations around the island. Normally, when she was asked about her vacations, she would respond that it was fine and that was the end of the conversation. She didn’t like to dwell on it too much. “Around the island, I mean. There’s a lot of pretty flowers and cool rocks.”

“Rocks?” Zuko said.

She nodded. “Last time I was there, I ended up near one of the volcanos and there was a bed of rocks there. I even found some obsidian there.”

“Oh cool,” he said. She could sense the genuine interest in his voice. So, she kept talking.

“When we got home, I sent a letter to my Aunt Mura, she’s the one who works in the flower shop. She knows about all this stuff and I asked her about obsidian. She said that it’s supposed to have healing and protective properties. I think she also said it was supposed to be calming.”

“I didn’t know that,” he said. He was looking at her now. “You’re the calmest person I know though”

“Maybe I should give it to you, “ she joked.

He let out a laugh and Mai could make out a faint flush on his face.

She was only half joking though. He was still upset about his father and she knew it. Distracting him from his problems only worked so well. Besides, his father was the Fire Lord, there wasn’t much she could do. Maybe giving him a rock dedicated to protection wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

She was about to speak again when she heard someone call Zuko’s name.

It was Azula.

“Oh,” Azula said as she saw Mai sitting next to him. “Hello, Mai.”

  
“Hello, Azula,” she said.

“What do you want?” Zuko asked his sister.

“Dad was wondering where you were. He sent me to find you,” she said, her arms crossed.

“I’m coming,” Zuko said as he got up.

“Mai?” he said her name as he reached a hand towards her to help her up.

She took it without saying a word and tried to ignore the way Azula’s eyes gleamed as she watched the scene unfold.

“I should probably get back to my parents” Mai said as she brushed some of the dirt off her robes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said to Azula. She turned to Zuko, “Bye.”

He nodded at her. “Bye,” he replied. He opened his mouth to say something else but looked at his sister and promptly shut it.

That night, as Mai closed her eyes and let her mind wander, comforted by the cool feel of obsidian in her palm, she dreamt of some fantastical adventure. She normally did, only this time, Zuko was with her.

The next time Mai thought about giving the rock away as a gift, she actually went through with it.

Ty Lee and Mai were waiting for Azula in the palace training room. The three of them were going to spend the day training. That day, Azula was running late and Mai knew something was wrong. The Princess was rarely, if ever, late.

But when Mai finally saw Azula, she could make out a small smile on her face.

_Something was wrong._

She was right. The first thing out of Azula’s mouth was, “Zuko’s going to fight an Agni Kai at sundown.”

Mai felt like she was going to throw up.

“What?” she asked. Her voice was practically dripping with shock. “He’s only thirteen.”

Azula raised an eyebrow. “So? He disrespected one of the generals. Anyway, shall we start today’s training?”

There was a sudden ringing in Mai’s ears, and she felt light-headed. “Actually, I’m not sure I have time anymore,” she said. Her voice was smaller than it had ever been. She cleared her throat, forcing herself to maintain composure in front of the princess. “I’m assuming my mother is going to want me home soon to get ready for tonight.”

Azula nodded. “I’ll see you then,” she said and then turned to Ty Lee.

Mai walked out of the training room, trying to keep her composure. The moment she was free, she steadied herself against the wall.

 _An Agni Kai_ , she thought to herself.

It didn’t feel real. Mai had never felt fear like she had in that moment before. And she had never felt so powerless. Her first instinct was to run to him, to find him and have the two of them run away together like they had planned so many times before.

But that would only cause more problems than it would solve.

It was hopeless and she knew it. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Mai thought about a black stone on her bedside table that was meant to symbolize protection. Before she knew what she was doing, Mai made her way back home, grabbed the rock and returned back to the palace.

She found Zuko sitting outside by the fountain.

“Hi,” she said, sitting down next to him.

“Hi,” he said back, looking up at her.

Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him. She pulled back to see Zuko’s shocked expression.

“It’ll be okay,” he said as he studied her concerned expression.

“What happened?” she asked. She hated how weak she sounded - how scared she sounded.

Zuko turned his attention back to the fountain. He was silent, but she didn’t want to force him to talk. She looked at the fountain instead. That day Zuko had pushed her into the fountain felt like a lifetime ago. They both had grown up so much in the span of those two short years. They had both changed so much. It was weird to think about it now, she had barely talked to Zuko before that day. He was just Azula’s older brother and she had a dumb, and hopeless crush on him. Now, he was her best friend. She came over to the palace to see him more than Azula at this point. They trained together and confided in each other. Sometimes, it felt like he was the only person she could trust.

She had Azula and Ty Lee, that was true, but she had always been the third wheel to them. Besides. she knew better than to confide in Azula. Being friends with Zuko was a lot easier and a lot more natural. There were no expectations or requirements to be friends with him. Sometimes, they’d spend afternoons together just sitting in silence because they enjoyed being in each other's company. Sometimes, she would say something about how bored she was, and he would respond asking her to run away with him. They’d spend hours sitting next to each other thinking about all the different lives they could have lived together.

As Mai looked at Zuko’s face and the look of terror that seemed to be permanently fixed onto it, she thought about how cruel it was that out of all the lives she and Zuko had imagined together, they were stuck in this one. It was only when he cleared his throat that she snapped back to reality.

“I spoke out of turn,” he said. “They were - they were going to sacrifice an entire division of new recruits. I spoke out against it and I disrespected General Bujing.”

He looked at her expectantly, like he was waiting for her to tell him off for doing something so stupid.

“You did the right thing,” she said softly.

The expression of shock was written across his face, plain as day. He hadn’t expected that.

“They’re going to die anyway,” he responded.

“You tried. You tried to do the right thing. I think that’s very honorable,” she said and reached to grab his hand.

He just nodded.

“It’ll be okay,” she said, as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I’ve seen you practice. You’re good. Much better than General Bujing. He’s practically a million years old, anyway.”

“I hope so,” he said. He waited a moment before he continued, “Uncle said he would practice with me later.”

“See? You’re being trained by the Dragon of the West. It’ll be fine,” she said as she turned her head to look at him.

He nodded. “It’ll be okay,” he said. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

She knew Zuko well enough to know that he wouldn’t let anyone else see how truly terrified he was - that if anyone else, he would shrug it off and pretend that it was okay.

Instead of getting up, Zuko just leaned his head against hers. Mai wished she could just stop time and live in the moment forever. She wished that she were able to press pause and stop the future from happening or that she could give them enough time to pack their bags and run away, like they had talked about so many times before. Every second they spent like that; Mai desperately wished for another. She clung onto the hope of a moment knowing it wouldn’t last long. She knew that the minute he got up and went to train, every cell in her body would fill with panic. It wasn’t that she didn’t have faith in him, it was that she knew he shouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

So, she sat there with him. It was all she could do.

“I should go train,” he said finally.

Mai lifted up her head and nodded slightly.

He didn’t move.

“It’ll be okay,” she said. And then she reached into her pocket and took out a rock.

“Here,” she said as she placed it in his hand. “For good luck.”

“Obsidian?” he asked.

Mai nodded. “It’s for protection.”

He smiled softly, “I remember you telling me that. This is the one you got from Ember Island?”

Mai nodded again. She was stunned that he had remembered. She had told him this once about a year ago. She couldn't believe that he had remembered.

“It’s in the shape of a heart,” Zuko remarked.

“Mhmm,” Mai hummed in conformation. She felt a blush rise to her cheeks but instead of turning away and hiding it, like she would have normally done, she looked directly at him.

Mai learned long ago that there was a difference between what you should do and what you wanted to do. She spent her entire life doing what her parents and her country expected of her. But sitting there, by the fountain, she wondered if he would even be alive later that night. And she decided that if there were ever to be a moment to do something just because she wanted to do it, that moment was then.

So, she tilted her head up to look at his face more intently. And before she could doubt herself, she closed the distance between them and kissed him.

It wasn’t anything more than a peck on the lips, soft and full of the innocence of a young love yet to bloom, but she felt electrified. She pulled back from it as quickly as she had initiated it and felt the heat of a blush rise up to her face.

“What was that for?” he asked after a moment.

Mai stared at him. He was holding a heart shaped rock, after all.

“Because I wanted to,” she responded.

“Mai,” he started. He didn’t know where he was going with this.

There wasn’t anything to say and they both knew that. Not in the moment at least.

“It’s okay,” she said.

She moved to get up, but before she could, he grabbed her hand, pulled her towards him, and kissed her again.

“For good luck, “ he said.

“You don’t need it,” she said.

“After tonight- will you - do you want to have dinner or something?” he stuttered.

Mai felt herself blush and nodded. “I’ll see you tonight. You should go meet your uncle now.”

Zuko nodded, “I’ll see you tonight.”

He walked away with a heart shaped rock in his hand, a blush on his face and his mind briefly empty of what was to come.

\---

There was no dinner for them that night. There wasn’t even a goodbye.

No one was allowed to see him as they readied the ship.

Mai didn’t sleep that night. The shock had turned into numbness and the image of it happening played again and again in her mind. All she could do was lie there. She reached for her nightstand and the rock she kept there only to be greeted by emptiness. She frowned before she remembered. And then she shut her eyes for a moment and let out the sob that had been stuck in chest all day.

\---

The first new nights on the ship were awful. All Zuko remembered was the pain coursing through his body and the flashes of light from those few moments he was conscious.

He knew he was lucky to have Uncle with him. Iroh didn’t leave Zuko’s side. And as Zuko drifted in and out of consciousness, there was a part of him always relieved to find him there - to feel slightly less alone in his strange new surroundings. Every time Zuko woke, Iroh would be sitting beside him, drinking tea, reading, or even playing Pai Sho. Sometimes, Zuko would hear him singing.

 _Leaves from the vine_.

 _Falling so slow_.

But every time he woke up and was met with the melodic lull of the song, Zuko drifted off again.

It wasn’t until the third day that Zuko was actually awake.

“Uncle?” he asked hoarsely.

“I’m here, my boy,” Iroh said to him, looking down at him with a gentle gaze. “How’re you feeling?”

“Where- where are we?” Zuko asked. He attempted to sit up until he was met with a sudden dizzy spell. He slumped back on the pillow, and grimaced. His face felt so raw

That part he remembered. That part - he didn’t think he would ever forget.

“We’re on a ship,” Iroh replied.

“Why?”

All his years in the military didn’t prepare Iroh for this conversation. Nothing on earth prepared Iroh for what he was about to tell his nephew - how his father had burned and banished him for the band-aid was even on. He didn’t know how to tell his nephew that he had been sent on a fool’s errand.

“Prince Zuko,” he started, “I’m afraid you’ve been banished.”

“Banished?” he said again.

Iroh couldn’t help but notice how big the wrapping on Zuko’s face looked. He was only thirteen.

“Yes,” Iroh said. “The Fire Lord said you may only return home once you’ve captured the Avatar.”

“The Avatar? No one’s seen him in almost a hundred years.”

His voice was raw. Iroh couldn’t tell if it was from panic or pain.

Iroh nodded his head and thought carefully about what he was going to say to his nephew. Before he could open his mouth, Zuko was speaking.

“I guess we should start with the air temples.”

“Rest first,” Iroh responded. His voice was soft, but he said it with enough conviction that Zuko knew that he didn’t mean it as a suggestion. Iroh felt his heart break at Zuko’s suggestion, already sensing his nephew’s desperation to go home to a father who didn’t want him there.

Zuko was in too much pain and too tired to put up an argument. Instead, he laid back down and attempted to sleep. As much as he tried to close his eyes and drift off, he couldn’t. After a few minutes, he sat back up. That was when he noticed a small black rock sitting on the nightstand.

He reached for it and was greeted with the cool and smooth feeling of obsidian.

Iroh looked at Zuko with curiosity. “It’s obsidian,” he remarked as he reached for his tea.

Zuko nodded.

“Do you know what it means?” he asked.

“Something about healing and protection,” Zuko responded, his voice sounded choked with an emotion Iroh couldn’t quite place.

“Yes,” Iroh started. “Healing and protection. That’s right.”

A silence fell between them as Zuko pressed the rock into his palm.

“Where did you find it?” Iroh asked curiously.

“Mai gave it to me. Before-” he didn’t finish the sentence, but Iroh knew what he was about to say.

He rested a hand against his nephew’s shoulder.

“Protection. Huh.” Zuko’s voice was dripping with irony.

Iroh looked at his nephew, trying not to think about how small he looked sitting there with his face wrapped, holding a rock and thinking of his home. “Sometimes,” he started hoarsely. He cleared his throat. “Sometimes, it’s not about the rock itself, but the intentions of the person who gifted it.”

Zuko was silent. He put the rock on the nightstand and laid back down.

The rock stayed there, nestled alongside some of his other belongings from home. As he settled into his new life at sea, his room became filled with an impressive array of maps, scrolls and anything else that he thought would help him track the Avatar.

He kept the rock on his nightstand. At first, it was because he couldn’t bear to look at it long enough to even move. He saw himself reflected in the shiny black exterior and it became a painful reminder of everything he had lost. He was a prince without a nation and a boy without a home, and every time he remembered, he placed the rock back onto the nightstand.

He had lost Mai too.

There were times where he couldn’t look at the rock without thinking of Mai. He tried not to think about her. Tried and failed at least. Iroh had seemed to think their relationship was something it wasn’t and that she was more than a friend. Zuko couldn’t tell him that he was wrong, but he also couldn’t tell Iroh that he was right.

Zuko had left and whatever potential for a future between them had left alongside him. Sometimes he thought that all they would ever be was a stolen kiss in a courtyard one afternoon. Exhilarating, but nothing more than a fleeting moment in time between two people who were destined for others.

But he knew that wasn’t the truth. He wanted her to be a fleeting moment in time - a stolen first kiss and nothing more than that - because it would have been easier to leave her if it were true.

It wasn’t even what they _could_ have been, Zuko missed what they were. In those years following Ozai’s coronation, Mai had become his best friend. Sometimes, it felt like she was the only person he could trust. Sometimes, she was the only person he wanted around because she understood things without him having to say anything. Before he was banished, there were a lot of words that went unspoken between the two of them because they didn’t need them. Now, there were a lot of words left unsaid because Zuko didn’t realize everything he had wanted to say to her in time.

It hurt too much to think about. But as the days grew bleaker and the hope that he would ever return home slowly began to run out, he found himself retreating back into the memories of happier times. Every now and again, as he lay awake in bed wondering if this was what his life would be from now on, he reached for the rock on his nightstand. Sometimes, he would hold it as he drifted off to sleep.

The first time it happened was after he had visited the Western Air Temple and the disappointment and fear about what he didn’t find there consumed him. That night, Zuko ignored Iroh’s pleas for music night, dinner or anything designed to take Zuko’s mind off of his disappointment and locked himself in his room. He had every intention to sleep it off, to close his eyes and let the pain of the moment stop and to wake up filled with fresh hope and determination.

As he sat in bed, the gleam of the rock caught his eye. He picked it up and was shocked at how much like home it felt. For a second, he let himself think of the past. He closed his eyes and with the rock fit snugly in the palm of his hand, he let himself be transported home.

And then he thought about Mai. He thought of those rare moments when he saw her laugh and smile, knowing that few others had seen it. He thought about the way her eyes would shine when she showed him a new trick with her knives. He thought about the way she got overly invested in palace drama and the way she would insist that he knew what was going on because he was the Crown Prince, even though they both knew it was just an excuse for her to gossip. He was the only person she could be herself around and the same went for him.

It didn’t matter what their relationship could have been, Zuko realized. He missed what it was. She was his best friend. She was the person who would sit with him when he was having a bad day and distract him and talk with him and make it better. Sometimes, just seeing her was enough to turn a bad day around. He longed for those afternoons in the courtyard, when just the touch of her hand on his was enough to remind him that he wasn’t alone.

 _Oh, the life that could have been_.

It only got harder with time. Hope was a rare commodity and Zuko desperately tried to cling to it as the years went by. But it was a lonely life. Sure, he had Uncle, and even his crew but Zuko mourned for everything that he had lost.

He missed home.

He missed Mai.

He missed her, more than he could put into words. But he also worried about her. He knew she didn’t have the easiest life at home and wondered how she was doing under the watchful eye of her parents. He wished that she was there with him. For all the nights they had spent talking about running away, Zuko never thought that he would be seeing the world without her.

And as he traveled around the world, seeing sight after sight and village after village, he thought about her. He thought about all the things he would say to her when they were finally reunited. He thought about all the stories he would tell her and all the comments she would have, all the little quips and sarcastic comments she would have, bringing life to the bleakness of banishment. He would have given anything to hear them in the moment.

Instead, he stared down at a rock and desperately tried to preserve the sound of her voice in his mind.

Somewhere along the way, he started taking the rock with him when he left the ship. He knew it was dumb, but he it was the only thing he had to remember her by. The familiarity of her was comforting, even if she wasn’t by his side.

So, he took it with him everywhere. It wasn’t quite like a good luck charm. But he remembered what Uncle had said when Zuko had first been banished and he had seen the rock for the first time - that sometimes gifts are just about intentions.

Zuko knew that the small piece of obsidian wasn’t protecting him. He knew that it was just a rock. It wasn’t about the rock, though, it was about the person who gave it to him and all the things she wanted for him.

Even if she wasn’t there with him, the reminder of her made him feel less alone and reminded him that there was something worth coming home to.

Life as he had grown accustomed to changed forever, the reminder of her made him feel less alone. As he got closer and closer to capturing the Avatar, she was always there reminding him of home and reminding him of what he was fighting for.

Even as he stumbled through the Earth Kingdom, close to death and still trying to grapple with the possibility that there would be no home for him to return to, he kept the rock with him, sometimes even falling asleep with it. As bleak as things were, the memory of her brought him hope and helped give him enough strength to move on.

It wasn’t until he and Uncle were in Ba Sing Se that realized how ridiculous the entire rock situation was. He had clung onto it and with it, he had clung onto the hope of a future with Mai. It had been three years since he had last seen her though. He wasn’t the same person he was when he left, and he doubted that she was the same.

But he couldn’t part with the rock, or with the memory of her. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t let go. So, in their new apartment in Ba Sing Se, Zuko set the rock down on his bedside table, and on occasion, he would let himself dream.

He wasn’t sure if Uncle had noticed the rock yet, or even remembered what it was. Iroh had yet to bring it up. Zuko was sure that his uncle had seen the rock - their tiny apartment in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se did not leave much room for privacy and Zuko still kept the rock next to his bed, like he had on the ship. He didn’t think much of it and he didn’t think Uncle did either. That was until he was helping Zuko get ready for his date.

“Jin seems like a lovely young lady,” Iroh remarked as he studied his nephew’s hair.

“I guess,” Zuko responded with a shrug. He was still trying to sort out his feelings about the whole date situation.

“It’ll be good for you to talk to people your own age,” Iroh started as he started to comb through Zuko’s hair. “Even make some friends.”

 _Friends_ felt too permanent. Any sort of relationship felt too permanent. Ba Sing Se wasn’t home, or at least, Zuko wasn’t ready to admit that it was.

Zuko was silent as he let his uncle finish his hair.

It was only as Iroh was finishing up that Zuko noticed his eyes flicker to the rock resting on the bedside table. He frowned and looked at Iroh expectantly.

Iroh sighed and put down the comb.

“I didn’t realize that you’ve kept it all these years,” Iroh said quietly.

“How could I not?” Zuko responded.

“Zuko, we have a life here now,” Iroh said. His voice was strained. “You have to at least try to move on. Tonight, will be good for you.”

He just nodded, unsure of why his stomach felt like it was suddenly in knots. He knew that Uncle was right. This was their life now and for the first time, he was totally powerless in trying to change that. All he could do was live, take each day as it came and hope to one-day call that a life. So, somewhat reluctantly, Zuko went on the date.

Jin was nice and he did have fun. There was something nagging at him in the back of his head, reminding him that this was his life now. Whether he wanted it to be or not was irrelevant. Regardless, it was a nice night and he walked back to the apartment in a better mood than he had been in a long time.

And when Iroh had asked him how it was, he told him the truth.

“It was nice,” he said, peering through the door before shutting it.

Admitting it stung for some reason. It felt like defeat in the oddest sense, the acknowledgement that he was submitting to this new life in Ba Sing Se and letting go. He had spent so long holding onto the hope of return and starting to put down roots felt wrong.

It was inevitable, but for the moment it was too much to handle.

He couldn’t just let go of that dream after three years of clinging onto it like a lifeline.

As he got ready for bed, he looked at the rock on his nightstand and held it in his hands like he had done so many times before. And with the feeling of finality, he let himself indulge in fantasy. As he closed his eyes, he thought about everything he wanted. He thought about being home, basking in the warmth of his father’s approval and pride. This time, he knew that it would remain a fantasy. Whatever the future had in store for him, this was not it.

He clutched the rock a little harder in his palms when the feeling of loss hit, deeper than it had ever before and he forced himself to think of something else. He retreated back in the comfort of hope and let himself drift off, playing memory after memory of afternoons in the courtyard, desperately trying to savor every detail of it as if he could feel them slipping away. He fell asleep thinking about another land, another girl, and another fountain.

It wasn’t until after he had freed the Avatar’s bison that he put the rock in a drawer. It was unthinkable to get rid of it- the Fire Nation and Mai were a world away, but that didn’t take away the hope and strength they had given him.

But, the rock belonged to Zuko, not to Lee.

***

Seeing Mai in Ba Sing Se for the first time since they had kissed in the courtyard all those years ago was overwhelming, to say the least.

The first time he saw her, Zuko spent a good minute just looking at her and taking in how she’d changed. She was taller now, which he expected, and even though she still wore bun caps in her hair, she didn’t look like her mother had forced her to wear them and match whatever outfit she had picked out for her. She was older now, but so was he.

She didn’t say anything about the scar when she saw him. And Zuko was too busy staring at her to notice her looking at it.

She had always been pretty as a kid. But at 15, she was breathtaking and Zuko felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

There was so much he wanted to say to her, but the words wouldn’t form in his mouth. During the last three years, he had envisioned their reunion a million different times and in a million different ways but standing next to Azula in the newly conquered Ba Sing Se, while she was dressed as a Kyoshi Warrior was something he never would have been able to prepare himself.

She wasn’t the same girl who gave him the rock.

It wasn’t until Azula had set them up on a date that Zuko realized that maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. After all, he wasn’t the same boy she gave the rock to. But still, Zuko had to reconcile the past version of her with who she was now.

The more he did, the more he liked her. She was still witty and sardonic on the surface. But she still had the softness to her - her signature smile and laugh reserved for only for those she trusted the most. It was more reserved than ever, but he was eternally grateful that it was still there.

The date Azula had set them up on was a little awkward at first. But as Zuko and Mai walked through the city, the tension started to break. That was until they ran into Jin.

Luckily, Jin had easily bought the claim that Mai was a knife thrower from the circus Zuko claimed to have worked at, and not one of the very people who had helped seize Ba Sing Se. And luckily, Mai was more than happy to demonstrate her skills by knocking a fish they had got from one of the street vendors off Zuko’s head and into the same fountain Zuko had kissed Jin at. Of course, Mai didn’t miss her target. But the force of the icicle she threw at the fish on top of his head knocked him into the fountain.

“Now, we’re even,” she had said and Zuko couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter as he thought about that day by the fountain all those years ago.

So much had changed but looking at Mai and hearing her laugh echo through the streets as they left the scene, he was struck by how similar the feeling was. Maybe it didn’t matter that they were different people - mourning what could have been was useless, especially given the exhilaration of what could be. They were different people, but in spite of all the twists and turns thrown their way, they had found each other again.

Before there had ever been an inkling of romance between them, they were friends and the familiarity - the fondness they felt for each other - was still there.

She was so easy to talk to. Once the initial tension between them - the awkwardness of trying to figure out what exactly had changed- had broken, all the things, all the sites, and all the adventures that Zuko had wanted to tell her about during his years at sea flooded out of him.

He had missed her so much.

She supplied her own stories. She told him about how she wasn’t an only child anymore, how her family had moved to Omashu.

After their conversation on the ship, when he confessed to her his fears about how he had changed, she also prepared him for what was to come. He hadn’t been home in three years and in an effort to help him acclimate, she wove the details about which generals and admirals had Ozai’s support and details about general palace drama and changes into her stories.

He was eternally grateful for it, and for her. They both knew that he couldn’t ask Azula about how things changed.

Their journey back home to the Fire Nation was filled with these little moments, little glances and little interludes directed towards him, to prepare him.

She couldn’t assuage his fears fully though. The only person who could do that was his father, and Zuko had no idea how he would react. But even just sitting with her on the ship made him feel better.

It was shortly after they had returned home and Zuko had been welcomed back as a hero that Zuko realized how strong his feelings for her were.

They were on a picnic, her head resting against his shoulder as they watched the sunset over the Caldera together. Zuko wanted to stay in that moment forever. There was something so simple and so warm about it. All his worries and fears seemed to calm as he sat with her, basking in the glow of the setting sun.

That was until Azula showed up. Zuko tried not to notice the stiffness of Mai’s posture as she walked away from them.

He saw her the following day for lunch. She didn’t bring it up until she knew that they were alone.

“What did Azula want?” she asked in a measured tone. She was never one to beat around the bush.

“Nothing,” Zuko said surprised.

Mai looked at him sharply. “If you’re going to lie to me, at least be convincing.”

Zuko stared down at his plate for a moment. “It’s nothing.”

He looked at the blank expression on her face and felt his stomach fill with shame. “I visited Uncle.”

He looked at her, expecting to see shock and anger but was met with the same neutral and measured expression.

“Azula knows,” he said.

Mai inhaled sharply but kept quiet.

“I don’t think she’s going to tell anyone,” Zuko blurted out.

“Yeah. She won’t,” Mai agreed.

Seeing the confused expression on his face, she continued.

“Come on Zuko,” Mai sighed. “You know Azula. She won’t tell, she’ll hold this over your head and use it to get what she wants.”

He nodded.

“Why are you going to see him?” Mai inquired.

He was silent for a minute. “This isn’t what I thought it would be like,” he said miserably.

She didn’t press, she knew what he meant.

“Yesterday,” she said. “You know how Azula said Ty Lee’s braid got tangled. Well, I suggested cutting it off and now she’s mad at me.”

He smiled, grateful that she wasn’t pressing. Somehow, she always knew what to say.

“Did you offer to let her pick out the knife?” he asked, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.

It wasn’t until they were on Ember Island that she approached the subject again. When they all returned back to Li and Lo’s house after trashing Chan’s house, the girls had decided to call it a night and Zuko headed down to the beach.

He was sitting there, head resting against his knees and lost in thought when he heard a voice.

“Hey,” Mai said, settling on the sand beside him.

“Hi,” he said. “I thought you went to bed.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she murmured.

He nodded. “Me neither.”

“We should talk,” she said gently.

He nodded again. “I’m sorry. I was acting like an ass earlier,” he said earnestly.

“You were,” she agreed.

His heart sank for a moment before he felt her reach for his hand.

“What’s going on? You’re not acting like yourself,” she said gently.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. His voice sounded like he was trying to choke back a sob.

“This isn’t- this isn’t what I thought it would be,” he added a moment later.

“What do you mean?”

“Being home,” he answered miserably. “I dreamt of this for so long and now, I’m just not sure anymore.”

“Of me?” she asked in surprise.

Zuko looked at her startled. “No! Are you kidding me? You’re the one thing I am sure of, the only thing that makes sense. It’s everything else.”

“You mean, your father.” she supplied

He nodded. “Yeah. My father.”

He looked so miserable and helpless and Mai knew that there was nothing she could say to fix it. She wasn’t capable of fixing his relationship with Ozai.

He cleared his throat. “Anyway. That’s not an excuse to treat you the way I did and I’m sorry.”

“You can talk to me; you know that right?” she responded hesitantly. “I know that I’m not always good with the whole emotions thing, but I’m trying to be better.”

He caught the flush of her cheeks in the moonlight and knew just how hard it was for her. He had met her parents; he knew that they were like and what they expected from her. He also knew that Mai had been one of the only people to show him true and genuine kindness in his youth. She had a cold exterior that she recoiled into every now and again, but she also had a softness about her that few were privy to.

“I know,” he said. His mind drifted to the rock he kept on his nightstand, the one that had accompanied him during all his years of banishment, the piece of her that gave him hope. “I know.”

He debated telling her about the rock, about how he kept it and how even in those darkest moments, it made him feel safe and loved and like there was hope left in the world, but he couldn’t find the words. So instead, he wrapped an arm around her and rested his head against hers and pretended that that moment would last forever.

In a way it did. When they returned to the Caldera, Mai and Zuko existed in their own little bubble. Being with her felt so right and so easy.

That was until Zuko realized the world was about to end and his father was going to be responsible for it. It was the knowledge of what was to come, coupled with the revelation of his ancestry that pushed him deep into a crisis. He knew that he had to leave. He had to fulfil a destiny greater than himself. If he were going to be honest, it wouldn’t have been so hard if it didn’t mean that he had to leave Mai.

For his own sanity, Zuko decided to live in denial about leaving her for as long as he could. His mind was filled with enough anxiety about how he would confront his father and if the Avatar would let Zuko train him. The thought of saying goodbye to Mai was enough to paralyze him with dread and enough to make him reconsider leaving. So, he decided to ignore it for as long as possible.

He knew he was being selfish and breaking his promise. He had told her that he would talk to her about these things. Ever since they returned from Ember Island, he had, and he was better off for it. Mai understood so much without it needing to be said and she always knew how to make him feel better.

But Zuko knew that he would never be able to say the words “I’m leaving” aloud. In those days before he left, he walked a fine line between creating distance -trying to soften the blow of his inevitable departure - and wanting to be with her all the time. As much as he tried to stay away, he couldn’t. He wanted to spend every moment with her, talking to her or just enjoying her company. He didn’t know how she did it, but Mai made every single moment feel extraordinary.

Even then, as she was reading on the couch, Zuko tried to take it all in. The eclipse was the following day and the futility of it all was starting to sink in. So instead of thinking, Zuko focused on her. The way she gripped the book with one hand and turned the pages with the other. The way she sat; legs tucked underneath her on the couch. The way her bangs fell over her eyes and how she would sigh and push them out of the way. It was so mundane. But he sat there watching her, memorizing every single detail and storing it away in his mind in fear that time would make him forget.

“You’re staring at me,” she stated, breaking the silence hanging over the room. Her eyes were still fixated on her book.

“Huh?” Zuko said, snapping back into reality.

“You’re staring at me,” she repeated, this time shutting her book and looking at her boyfriend.

“Sorry,” he murmured, his eyes met hers and he felt the telltale flutter in his stomach.

“Why? Is there something on my face?” she asked.

“No,” Zuko said and then cleared his throat. “You’re just really beautiful.”

Mai rolled her eyes, but Zuko caught the hint of a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t leave her. The flutters in his stomach turned into a wave of nausea at the thought.

But suddenly, he felt her hand on his chin and felt her pull him in for a kiss and just for a moment, Zuko let himself forget what was to come.

When they broke apart, she met his eyes, “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” he lied.

She raised an eyebrow.

“I just care about you. A lot,” he said.

“I care about you too,” she responded and kissed him once more, before settling into his side and picking her book back up.

It was at that moment that Zuko knew that he was in love with her. He cared about her, that was true. But it didn’t capture the depths of how he really felt. He wasn’t sure when exactly he had fallen in love with her, but staring at her in that moment, he was sure of it. No other words could sum it all up- the way he thought about her constantly, the way he wanted to spend every single moment next to her, the way she was all he could think of, the way that just seeing her made the bad days so much more bearable.

There was no other word to describe the depths of his feelings other than love. The realization made him dizzy.

 _He loved her_.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized how stupid he was for not realizing it before. He spent three years holding onto a rock that she had given him, clinging to it like it was his only source of hope. He loved her for the hope she had given him, for who she was and how she made every moment better.

But he had to leave her and there was no getting around that. As much as he wanted to stay with her, or wanted to ask her to come with him, he knew that this was the end for them.

And saying ‘I love you’ was too much for him to handle.

That night, as he was leaving, he pulled her into a hug.

“You’re squishing me,” she complained.

“Sorry,” he apologized, pressing his lips to her forehead before capturing her lips in a kiss.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid tomorrow,” she whispered when they finally broke apart, her forehead pressed against his.

“I’ll do my best,” he answered, focusing on the details of her face.

“Mai,” he started. He didn’t know what he was going to say. So instead, he pulled her into another kiss, trying to express all the words he couldn’t say out loud.

“Promise me that you’ll be okay,” he didn’t specify tomorrow. He didn’t _just_ mean tomorrow.

“I’ll be okay,” she promised.

He nodded and with a final peck on the lips, he turned to go home. He tried not to look back, but he wasn’t strong enough. He let the image of her, leaning against the doorframe and illuminated by the moonlight be the last thing he saw.

He let the image of her fill his mind the following morning as he wrote her a letter and slipped a small piece of obsidian into his bag of supplies.

As he travelled on the hot air balloon, he let it all hit him. The time he and Mai shared, all the things left unsaid, and the knowledge that there would be no future for the two of them.

He pulled the rock out of one of his supply bags and looked at his reflection in the obsidian. So much had changed since he had first held it on that ship all those years ago.

But he was still holding it as he left home, unsure of when or even if he would return, and thinking of the girl who gave it to him. This time, it hurt in a different way, but he tried to push it aside and focus on the comfort it had given him.

He was going to join the Avatar and he didn’t know if they would accept him. He wasn’t sure he would accept himself after everything he had done to them.

It was a miracle that they did. Zuko soon realized that there were only two people in the entire world that Zuko wanted to tell, his uncle and Mai. When he went to find the Ancient Sun Warriors with Aang, all he wanted to do was tell them. It reminded him of those early days of banishment where he would spend his nights holding the rock and thinking about all the things he wanted to tell her.

This time, he had left on his own volition and this time, he didn’t think she would want to see him ever again.

He tried to hide how much it hurt by forcing himself to move forward. He allowed himself to think about the past only at nights before he fell asleep. In those moments before he drifted off, he forced himself to focus on the good - allowing all the memories of her that he had collected to play on an endless loop in his head. Like he had done for so many years.

He allowed himself to break the rule once when Sokka had asked him if there was anyone he missed from back home. Just thinking of her, and how much she would love to be known as “the gloomy girl who sighs a lot”, was enough for him to smile. It quickly faded when he remembered his current predicament and Zuko forced himself to think about anything else other than her.

He was succeeding. Up until he saw her.

Seeing her in the prison and seeing her save him after everything he had done to her plunged him deep into despair. But Zuko did his best to move forward. He didn’t even have time to process what had happened until they were on the airship home. Zuko had moved into the corner, trying his best to give Sokka his privacy as he reunited with his dad and girlfriend.

“Hey,” Sokka greeted.

“Hey,” Zuko said. His voice sounded hoarse and it was then that he realized the tear streaming down his cheeks. He wiped them away before turning his attention back to Sokka. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to check in with you. Are you okay?”

The both knew the answer was no. It had been a hard day for everyone, but Zuko had just watched the love of his life sacrifice herself for him. Zuko had no misconceptions about who Azula was, or what she would do to anyone who betrayed her.

When Zuko didn't answer, Sokka continued. “Anyway. I just wanted to say that it was a really cool and brave thing that Mai did.”

Zuko nodded, unable to find the words. The feeling of dread didn’t go away when they arrived back at the Western Air Temple, or when Sokka recounted the day's events to the rest of the group.

“Wait,” Toph said. “Mai? The gloomy one?”

“Yes,” Sokka confirmed.

“ _She_ betrayed Azula?” Toph questioned again.

“Yup,” Sokka said, popping the “p” and trying to meet Zuko’s eyes.

“That’s so weird,” Aang commented. “I wonder why.”

Sokka looked at Zuko for a second longer before answering. “She and Zuko used to date.”

Zuko tried to ignore the feeling of them looking at him, staring at him and wondering exactly what had happened and why it had ended in Mai risking her life for him. The feeling of dread only grew with their attention.

And when Azula showed up at the Western Air Temple, it grew again. Mai wasn’t with her. Neither was Ty Lee and Zuko felt a pang of fear run through him with the realization. But he refused to acknowledge it. Even as he helped Katara track down her mother's killer and then helped the gang settle into life on Ember Island, he refused to think about it, settling into the comfort of denial.

In those moments he felt himself start to drift towards panic, he forced himself to think of the alternatives. Maybe, Ty Lee was back at the circus and Azula had sent Mai home to Omashu as punishment. Maybe, she had sent them both back to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls to find new recruits. Maybe, she had allowed him both to leave without consequence.

Zuko knew they were all lies and that he was a fool for finding hope in them. But that didn’t take away from the comfort it brought him as he fell back into his old nighttime routine of holding the rock between his palms and thinking of all the things that could have been.

But denial only worked for so long.

And Ember Island didn’t help. Neither did that stupid play. When the group returned back to the house, Zuko waited until he thought everyone was asleep before sneaking off to the beach.

The last time he was there, Mai was with him. Even now, Zuko could still feel her presence clinging there like. He thought back to their conversation on the beach after Chan’s party and was greeted by the sickening feeling of knowing that he had lied to her.

And she had still saved him.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the beach, clutching the rock in his hand and thinking of her.

It wasn’t until he heard Aang and Sokka that he snapped out of it.

“Hey,” Sokka said, sitting down on the sand next to him.

“Hello,” Aang said.

Zuko nodded to greet them before fixing his attention to the ocean.

“So,” Aang said. “That play was really horrible.”

“Yeah,” Zuko said in agreement, his eyes still fixed on the ocean.

“Listen,” Sokka said. “I know it was horrible to watch, but it’s propaganda. It’s not real.”

“I know,” Zuko said.

Sokka and Aang looked at each other for a moment in confusion.

“Then why are you so upset?” Aang inquired.

“It’s nothing,” Zuko answered. His voice was tight and Aang could see his hand clench around something in his hand.

“What are you holding?” Aang asked.

“Nothing,” Zuko said.

“Listen,” Sokka interjected. “If you don’t want to talk, we won’t make you. But you're our friend and you’re miserable right now and we’d like to know how we can help.”

“You can’t,” Zuko whispered. “It’s- it’s complicated.”

“So is everything else in the world,” Sokka pointed out. “What’s up?”

Zuko swallowed for a moment before turning his attention back to Sokka and Aang. His eyes were rimmed with red and Aang could make out a few stray tears running down his face.  
  


“I don’t know if she’s alive,” he whispered. And with that, he let out a sob. To say it aloud was to admit that it was a possibility and suddenly, Zuko didn’t have the sweet warmth of denial to keep him sane.

“Mai?” Aang asked gently, reaching to put a hand on Zuko’s shoulder.

Zuko nodded.

“Azula wouldn’t kill one of her best friends,” Sokka said, trying to reassure him.

“You don’t know my sister that well,” Zuko said darkly.

Sokka and Aang were silent.

“What’s in your hand?” Sokka asked after a moment, trying to fill the silence in the air.

Zuko looked down at the piece of obsidian, clenched in his hand. He hadn’t noticed how hard he had been holding it until he saw that his knuckles were white.

“It’s a rock,” he said.

“Where did you get it?” Aang asked curiously. “It looks really cool.”

Zuko’s mind wandered back in time for a moment. Suddenly, he was sitting in the palace courtyard, by the fountain with Mai before the Agni Kai.

 _Come with me,_ he urged his past self to say.

_There’s no future for either of us here. Let’s run away._

Zuko knew that he would spend the rest of his life trying to rewrite a doomed and tragic love story.

He cleared his throat before answering Aang. “Mai gave it to me. When we were kids.”

“Oh,” Aang said. “Wait, so how long have you known her?”

Zuko resumed staring at the ocean. “Practically my whole life. She and Azula were friends as kids, but she and I got close after my dad became Fire Lord. She gave it to me before I was banished.”

“So,” Sokka said with a frown, “When you said that you dated, you didn’t mean like casually. Did you?”

Zuko shook his head. “I had a crush on her as a kid,” he admitted. “I didn’t even realize that she felt the same until she gave me the rock.”

“It was the day I was banished,” he added.

“Oh,” Aang said. “She did a really brave thing.”

“She shouldn’t have done it,” he whispered as his right hand clenched the rock again. “After everything I did, she shouldn’t have done it.”

“What do you mean?” Aang asked.

“I- I didn’t even say goodbye,” Zuko said mournfully. “Before I left to join you all, I didn’t even say goodbye. I wrote her a letter and then just left. I didn’t say goodbye.”

His voice grew more and more choked as he continued. “After everything, I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t tell her how much she meant to me or- or how much I loved her. And, she died for me.”

Sokka and Aang exchanged a look of panic before returning their attention back to Zuko.

“It’ll be okay,” Sokka said hesitantly. He looked at Aang, urging him to take the lead.

“Zuko,” Aang said. “You don’t actually know that she’s dead.”

Zuko shook his head. “She betrayed Azula. I mean, Azula showed up to the Western Air Temple alone.”  
  
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Sokka said. “Maybe there isn't enough room on the ship or something.”

“Maybe,” Zuko said, half-heartedly, wishing to return back to the sweet embrace of denial.

“Tell us more about her,” Aang encouraged. “I mean, we only know her as the girl with knives who hunted us down. But she risked her life for you, so that makes her pretty great in my book.”

“She’s the greatest. She’s smart and so beautiful. She has the weirdest sense of humor and loves to gossip. She was the first friend I ever had,” Zuko said.

 _And I love her,_ he thought. He didn’t want to say it aloud, to tell them before he told her.

He hesitated before continuing, “She wouldn’t normally do that. Hunt you down, I mean. But, when you’re friends with Azula, you don’t really have the ability to argue with what she wants.”

Aang nodded. “That just makes what she did that much more incredible.”

“I hope it was worth it,” Zuko whispered. And with a shiver, he realized that Mai may not be alive and may never hear those three words. It felt wrong to have never said the words aloud before.

“I love her,” he whispered, letting a single tear drip down his cheek.

“Zuko,” Aang said softly, trying to reassure his friend, but not knowing how to.

“It’ll be okay,” Sokka said. “Once Aang defeats the Fire Lord, you’ll see her again.”

Zuko just nodded, wishing he could actually believe the words.

He pushed aside his doubts long enough to get through the battle with Azula. The thought of seeing Mai again and trying to make things right with her was a source of hope and strength in the backdrop of the world falling apart.

He thanked whatever spirits were out there that she was alive. He thanked them even more when he realized that she didn’t hate him.

He wouldn’t have blamed her if she did.

Still, they had won the war and he was Fire Lord. And Mai was there to see it all happen.

He found her after the coronation. She was standing with some of the Kyoshi Warriors, looking a little panicked and Zuko briefly remembered that Azula, Mai and Ty Lee had ambushed and impersonated them.

“Can I steal you for a moment?” he asked, gently reaching for her hand.

She nodded and let him lead her to the courtyard, and to the same fountain they spent so many afternoons by.

They sat on the bench together and Zuko wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he inhaled the familiar scent of jasmine. He didn’t say anything just yet, instead opting to just enjoy the moment and hold her a little tighter.

“Zuko,” she said softly. “You’re squishing me.”

“Sorry,” he whispered into her hair and relaxed his arms, just a bit.

It struck him for a moment just how similar and strange everything was at the same time. The two of them had always snuck off to the fountain during official functions as kids and they were still doing it as teenagers. Only this time, he was Fire Lord.

“It’s weird,” she said, almost like she was reading his mind. “How much everything has changed. And yet...”

She trailed off, opting to grab his hand instead.

“Not everything’s changed,” he said.

“Not everything,” she agreed.

And suddenly, Zuko let go of her and reached into his pocket. Mai frowned as she watched him.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I want to show you something,” he answered. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Mai rolled her eyes but did what he asked. Suddenly, she felt a cool and glassy weight in her palms. She frowned and then opened her eyes.

“Oh,” she whispered.

She wasn’t often speechless, but Zuko had this ability to render every single word she knew inadequate in saying what she wanted to express.

She swallowed. “I didn’t realize you kept this.”

He met her eyes. “How could I not?”

She shook her head in disbelief. “Your ship exploded,” she stated.

He nodded. “I kept it with me. In my pocket.”

“What?”

He hesitated for a moment. “When I was banished, I used to keep it in my pocket when I left the ship. We had always talked about running away and seeing the world together. I just wanted something of you there with me. Something to give me hope”

“Zuko,” she said softly.

He swallowed before continuing. “I took this with me all over the world, wishing that it was you. Even after I left, I took this with me because the thought of leaving you behind was unbearable. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done.”

He shook his head. “I’ve blown it so many times. But I promise that I’m here now.”

She nodded slowly.

  
“Mai,” he started, his mouth suddenly dry, “I love you.”

Not a second had passed before her lips were on his.

“I love you too,” she murmured after they broke apart. “I can’t believe you kept it.”

“Obsidian is meant to symbolize protection, right?” he asked.

She nodded her head, “That’s why I gave it to you before the Agni Kai. I couldn’t do anything, but knowing you had it made me feel better.”

He held her a bit tighter and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“You’re squishing me again,” she said, but there was a contentedness in her voice that led Zuko to believe that she didn’t really mind.

“We should probably head back soon,” she remarked a moment later.

“I’m the Fire Lord now,” he scoffed. “What are they going to do?”

She let out a soft laugh, “I guess, we have all the time in the world.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head, “we do.”

They sat there for a moment long, listening to the distant sound of celebrations back in the palace and feeling the infectious joy coursing through the city. The world was celebrating, but for now, they were just content to be with each other. They had had so few of these moments - the two of them sitting together by the fountain they had spent so much time together at when they were kids, silently appreciating each other's company, and knowing that no matter what, they had each other.

He felt Mai reach for his hand, the one holding the rock still and he knew that as long as she was by his side, everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i really do just want to talk to whoever scrapped this idea from the show.  
> anyway, thank you all for reading this completely self-indulgent fic. i hope you liked it. 
> 
> a huge thank you to snowanadfire(ao3)/bluberry-spicehead(tumblr) for beta-ing!


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